It's not true. I did not have an affair with the lead singer of the "Smashing Pumpkins". But I did start a very strange relationship with him and his music in MY HEAD.
I actually don't remember exactly when it all began, this infatuation borderline stalker affair.
It must have been around 1995.
All I know is that in an undetermined point, my adolescent chilean spirit started to wonder about how amazing this bold dude was. His lyrics were strange and deep, they have to be because they were strange. And not everyone in my class loved the strange. They were usually more into stuff like the 90´s version of reggaeton and those winy and onion-like latin singers like Maná and Chayanne (yuuuuuu!).
Then the frenzyness started: I had to have and know everything about his music, I had to absorb all the genius out of the genius.
It is wrong when a fatty chilean teenager starts to find attractive a bold grown up arrogant american man. I mean he was not Leo Di Caprio in "Romeo+Juliet" who was the standard of teenager love in my times - side bar: I do love him now that he's a character actor in the Scorcese films...again weird.
He was strange and too chic and glam for a teen idol.
I had all his music, magazines clippings, you know the whole shabbang. And then it all became worse, when my former BFF now a total biatch, started to like him as well. Yeah! it was on! Then the war began! The war I'd like to call "who loved Corgan the most". Eventually she won, because some years ago she met him and has a picture with him...bitch...
Anyway, at that time, in my senior year, the unthinkable happened: the Punpkins had a concert in an old Train Station. My dad of course didn't let me go, and the stupid little girl that I was, always obedient, I didn't go, although I said I did, you know to keep apaearences. Idiot!
It all started to fade away when I went to college. And then other fantasy men, better men, like all the human men in "The Lord of the Rings" entered my fantasy world. And so on until now.
But like all fake love affairs you never forget your first one, and it never goes away. Not really, anyway.
Last year, the Pumpkins came back to Chile. This time my dad was not a problem, so I was free. I bought the tickets and invited my brother. We arrived late, I mean really late, but that was a blessing in disguise. The guard let us in into the VIP court, which was like ten times more than I paid for the tickets.
I was like 2 or 3 feet away from Corgan. The concert was baaddddd. A boy no older than 15 was the drummer, a fake Darcy was the base player, and of course another weirdo was the backup guitar player. But the most important and the essence of everything was there: Corgan, 15 years later, it looked like he haven't change at all. He was so close I could almost grabbed him.
It was strange. Like and old boyfriend I didn't feel anything during the show. At the end however, all feelings started to come back.
I found one of his guitar picks in the floor, which everyone wanted to steal from me - my brother however is tall and strong so he didn't let them. I found the biatch and her hubby, she had a baby, an ugly baby...Sorry...and she showed me her pic with Corgan...All I had to show was my pick, which is now framed and shit.
We went home, everything was normal again. But then, the most fucked up thing happened: I started to have these strange dreams about him - not sexual - that I was in the concert and I met him. They have become very frequent. I am quit scared of their meaning, because I always wake up anxious. I haven't told this to my shrink, because I know he is going to interpret them like some silly past or childhood oppression or something Freud-like.
I think it all means that I need a real boyfriend or that I need to meet Corgan. Whichever comes first. To me, both are equally distant and surreal.-
